Jada Pinkett Smith is reflecting on her mental health journey.
 
The Girls Trip star, 52, recently opened up about her struggle with suicidal ideation, recalling a tough point she faced in her life more than a decade ago.

“When I turned 40, I was in so much pain,” she told People in an interview published Oct. 11. “I couldn’t figure a way out besides death. So, I made a plan.”

As Jada—who shares kids Jaden, 25, and Willow, 22, with Will Smith—explained, while she was “really living the dream” in the public eye over the years, she also faced a “massive” battle with depression, which included overwhelming thoughts.

“‘Just kill yourself, you’re not worth anything, you ain’t s–t,'” Jada recalled. “I started looking for places, cliffs where I could have an accident, because I didn’t want my kids to think that their mother had committed suicide.”

The Red Table Talk host revealed an impromptu conversation led to a new possibility, after friends of Jaden told her about the experience one of their dads had with an ayahuasca ceremony. (According to Healthline, ayahuasca is a type of brew made using ingredients with hallucinogenic properties.)