Drew Barrymore is doing some wishful thinking when it comes to the traditional family dynamic she once dreamed of.

The talk show host, 50, who divorced husband of four years Will Kopelman, 46, in 2016, recently gave insight into how she felt post-separation.

“Everything to me was very devastating,” she explained on the March 21 episode of The Drew Barrymore Show. “[It] took me a long time to recover from if it wasn’t in the traditional family dynamic that I swore I would do for my family because I did not grow up that way.”

Drew, who shares daughters Olive, 12, and Frankie, 10, with Will, continued to explain how her experiences growing up—with her estranged mother Jaid Barrymore and actor father John Drew Barrymore, from who she emancipated herself from at age 14—have impacted how she feels today.

“It’s weird stuff like that,” the 50 First Dates actress reflected. “It’s soup when you’re sick. I remember all the kids at school would go into the office to call their parents when they were sick and I could never get a hold of anybody. And I was so jealous of those kids who would call and be like, ‘Mom, Dad, come pick me up.’ I just would sit there and be like, ‘What’s that like?'”