A bath salts epidemic, leg-eating zombies, and a murderous landlady leave tenants with no safe place to turn. Who will survive long enough to pay their inflated rent?
Writer/Director Brian Patrick Butler brings viewers to Hemet, California. A passthrough town, where a vile, homicidal, racist, and strangely sexually active elderly woman, Liz Topham-Myrtle (Brian Patrick Butler), runs an apartment complex. With the US economy in the toilet and bath salt, flesh-eating homeless running streets, Liz knows full well she can charge whatever she wants and treat her tenants any way she pleases.
Liz conspires with her right-hand man, Tank (Nick Young), to kill one tenant, Gary (Matthew Rhodes), and frame 2 other tenants for the murder: Rosie Perkins (Kimberly Weinberger) and Howie Stump (Pierce Wallace). The diabolical plan is botched, leaving  Rosie the sole survivor. As Rosie begins to piece together the truth, Liz must use her power and connections with the local police to finish what she started and secure her place as Queen of Hemet.

“A bath salts epidemic, leg-eating zombies, and a murderous landlady leave tenants with no safe place to turn…”
Hemet, or the Landlady Don’t Drink Tea goes for a blend of gore and comedy. Tonally, think Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2, but with the energy of a stage play. Writer/Director Brian Patrick Butler plays Liz, the landlady, and wears a mask that even resembles Leatherface. This film, however, lacks the charm of that goofy horror classic. The biggest problem, aside from there not being any likable characters in the film, is the dialogue. It comes across as too “written” and stilted. Everyone has just the right witty thing to say, which makes for a lack of dynamic characters because they’re all witty, and they all know exactly what’s going on. If they don’t, then they figure it out quickly.
There is some solid gore and impressive kills in this film, so if you are a horror fan who especially loves goofy horror or you want to make a low-budget horror film, then you may want to give this a watch for inspiration and see what you can pull off for cheap that is actually effective.
As whacky as the characters are and as tense as the setting is made to be, the movie drags. The jokes fall flat and, most of the time, pass unnoticed because too many people are offering silly dialogue. In comedy, it helps to have a straight man and a crazy man, but if everyone is the crazy man, then it’s boring. Even the title tries for a cheap laugh. Watching this movie is like going to a stand-up comedy show and seeing someone get up on stage with a guitar. You might laugh, though, if you’re on bath salts.