TELLURIDE – We’re just gonna get the bad news out of the way first. There is perhaps no movie more personally – and emphasis on “personally” – disappointing at the 2023 Telluride Film Festival for this critic than Christos Nikou’s “Fingernails.” As a big fan of his exquisite 2020 debut, “Apples,” we were crossing our fingers that he’d avoid the dreaded sophomore slump. We’re sad to report that’s not the case.
READ MORE: 12 Most Anticipated Movies At The 2023 Telluride Film Festival
Set in a generic city in a world similar to our own, but decidedly not, “Fingernails” begins with a group of thirtysomething friends at a casual dinner party. Amongst the couples are Anna (Jessie Buckley) and Ryan (Jeremy Allen White), and the conversation, as most do in this reality, begins to veer to the subject of the “test.” A relatively recent development, there is now a machine that compares the fingernails of a prospective couple (hence the title) and medically determines whether they are truly in love with each other. Anna and Ryan took the test three years prior and still feel reassured of their pairing after a 100% positive result. The gathering finds one couple who won’t take the test and talks of couples who immediately broke up after a negative result. And, as we’ll soon learn, the test has sent society into something of a frenzy. Everyone is slightly obsessed over whether they have found real love or not.
In the meantime, Anna is jobless after the school she taught at closed down. She interviews for similar positions, but when she hears about an opening at a love institute, she’s intrigued. These new teaching programs are meant to help couples grow closer together and help them genuinely fall in love. At the end of each course, the couple is given the test to see if they are compatible (assuming they haven’t had one already). After an interview with the institute’s mild-mannered boss, Duncan (Luke Wilson), she’s hired on the spot. 
When Ryan returns home from work, he has a message for Anna that another elementary school called with a job offer. Anna could tell him she just got a job at a love institute but doesn’t. Instead, she lies and says she’s gotten a gig at a different elementary school. Why would she keep it from him? Is she afraid it would telegraph insecurity over their own relationship? Fear he wouldn’t approve? Whatever the case, the cracks are there, but we always knew they would be.
At the institute, Anna is paired with Amir (Riz Ahmed), who is a rising star instructor in Duncan’s eyes (granted, Amir has only been there three months). As the days progress and the duo works closer together, it’s clear Amir has a growing infatuation with Anna, and Anna might, too. Of course, the drills they put their couples through often interfere with their opportunities to truly bond.
As their connection grows closer, Anna becomes obsessed with determining whether she and Amir are still meant for each other. Especially after Duncan informs her that no person can match with more than one person (at least according to the machine). Meanwhile, the seemingly loyal and “safe” Ryan is as understanding as possible when Anna finally reveals her new gig but still has no idea that her longing might be for someone else (hey, it happens). Amir, on the other hand, has clearly fallen for Anna but is either too shy or honorable to act on it (hey, maybe both). But it’s obvious where this is all headed.
The world Nikou has fashioned also has distinct rules that are supposed to enhance the love story. We are meant to assume the film is set in a contemporary time period, but the aesthetic choices seem a little out of sorts. The cars are from the ’90s. No one has a cell phone or a laptop computer. In fact, the only computer in the movie is the ‘80s-style monitor used to administer the love test. Anna and Amir use old-fashioned paper and pencils as they work. There are only albums; a CD or cassette player is nowhere to be found. The songs played in the film are also from the ’80s, but none of the actors are dressed from that era. And, yet, the rest of the world mostly looks mostly like today. Even Amir’s apartment screams early 2010 single male hipster. If the storyline was more compelling, these choices wouldn’t be so distracting. Instead, it all comes across as though Nikou is only partially committing to fashioning an alternate non-digital world. It’s more of a distraction than anything else.
In theory, the on-screen connection between two great actors, Buckley and Ahmed, could make up for some of these choices. But, disappointingly, there isn’t much of a spark (there isn’t really one with Buckley and White either, but there isn’t supposed to be). The actors are game, but their connection is more cutesy than romantic.
Before the film begins, Nikou throws up a title card explaining how fingernails can indicate legitimate heart problems (true if you were not aware). Like that real-life fact, he wants to explore whether how the world would respond if love was ever scientifically determined. And if it could be, would our emotions follow what science says they should? That’s a fine idea to explore if you have an inspired means to do so. “Fingernails” is simply not that. Instead, it feels like a half-baked exercise that doesn’t add up too much. Or maybe we’re wrong. Maybe need to take another test, er, screening, and keep taking them till we get it right. We know Anna would certainly approve.
Oh, and fair warning, there are multiple scenes where Anna and Amir pull off the fingernails of their clients to administer the test. They aren’t scenes from a horror movie, but it’s not for the squeamish either. [C]
Follow along with all our coverage of the 2023 Telluride Film Festival.