The easiest reviews to write are for films that are either really good or really bad. Adam Wingard’s epic action feature, Godzilla X Kong: The New Empire, is going to be a tough one. Starting, significantly, long after Wingard’s Godzilla vs. Kong, the world is at relative peace. Kong has been exiled to Hollow Earth in search of anyone or anything who is like him. His only connections to the surface world are Dr. Ilene Andrews (Rebecca Hall) and little Jia (Kaylee Hottle), the last surviving member of the Iwi tribe and someone with a psychic connection with Kong. Ilene and Jia are adoptive mother and daughter, but Jia feels out of place in this world with only Ilene and Kong as her family.
Meanwhile, Godzilla has established his nest at the Roman Coliseum and heads out to dispatch any Kaiju threatening to cause trouble. But something sinister is lurking of gigantic proportions. Seismic tremors vibrate across the Earth, and somehow, Jia is the only person who can figure it out. The mystery lies somewhere in Hollow Earth, and Ilene, Jia, Kaiju dentist Trapper (Dan Stevens), pilot Mikael (Alex Ferns), and YouTuber/hero of the previous film Bernie (Brian Tyree Henry) are sent to follow Kong to solve the mystery. Their search uncovers a land of Kongs, a Godzilla-like threat, and a mysticism that controls gravity on Earth. Can Godzilla and Kong put their differences aside to save the world…with minimal casualties? Yes and no.

“Their search uncovers a land of Kongs, a Godzilla-like threat, and a mysticism that controls gravity on Earth.”
The best thing I can say about Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire is that the film only lasts 110 minutes, and it feels like you get more story than one can squeeze into this runtime. With that, bland is the best word to describe this movie. As the brave, intelligent Dr. Ilene Andrews, Rebecca Hall brings almost nothing to the role other than being a single mother who’s really smart. Kaylee Hottle is Jia, who doesn’t speak and looks lovingly at Kong, which sums up her character. At least Trapper and Bernie each have an ounce of personality. Suffice it to say, the human stuff is boring.
Here’s a tip for screenwriters: It’s best not to spoil your movie halfway through. There is a scene where our heroes lay out the plan for defeating the main lousy Kaiju: Do this, this, and this. Well, they do this, this, and this, and the world is saved! Classic Pixar would do the same thing, but nothing would ever go to plan, which is why Classic Pixar is considered classic.
The most significant crime of Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire is that it suffers the same fate as Fast and the Furious. It’s a photo-realistic computer-animated movie. The animation of Kong, Godzilla, and the other Kongs is mediocre at best. The backgrounds should look photo-realistic, but they don’t. I’d rather watch dudes in suits duke it out over a cardboard city than watch this cartoon mess again. What a regression of the story compared to Godzilla Minus One.
I feel like Hollywood doesn’t want to try anymore. If you want to see a good Kong movie, go see The Primevals. Hell, try to see Godzilla Minus One again when you can. Now, we wait for Planet of the Apes. Oh, joy!