Adapted from the novel by Alexis Schaitkin, the Hulu original series Saint X explores the effects of trauma through multiple timelines and the way that it can ripple through families in unexpected ways. When a young woman goes missing on a family vacation in the Caribbean and ultimately turns up dead, the mystery of what happened continues to haunt her surviving sister Emily (Alycia Debnam-Carey) so deeply that her pursuit of the truth at all costs turns dangerous.

During this 1-on-1 interview with Collider, Debnam-Carey talked about why she was so intrigued by this character and her family dynamic, how director Dee Rees put her imprint on the series with her work on the pilot, her interest in focusing on the entire process on set, wanting to get more involved in directing her own projects, the complex dynamic between Emily and Clive (Josh Bonzie), and how the reality of the truth can be different from what you expect.

Collider: When this came your way, what was the thing that reeled you in and made you want to do it? Was it the mystery of it all? Was it the family aspect and your character? Was it the creative team?

ALYCIA DEBNAM-CAREY: It was definitely a mix of things. The ultimate reason is that I was really intrigued by the character and her role in the family dynamic. I was really interested in the psychological downward spiral of someone who is trying to understand what happened with this huge event in her life, of her sister’s death, but also how she’s then adopted a role in her family to fill a vacuum that she left, and who she becomes, while in turn trying to figure out what happened, and realizing who she actually is and who she was, as a child. For me, it was a really interesting, deep dive into someone’s psychology that I really liked. I also was really attracted to the team and working with Hulu, and having Dee Rees direct the pilot. She’s such a great creative. So, there are quite a few things that I thought would be really exciting.

Image via Hulu

What did you feel Dee Rees brought to the pilot and established there, that really carried through the series, when it came to the vibe and feel of it all?

DEBNAM-CAREY: The first director really puts their imprint on how the series will look, and Dee had such a strong perspective and really clear vision for how she wanted to make this pilot look, which I always really appreciate. I was really lucky that, when we were filming, she wanted to share why she was doing certain shots and got me close to the monitor to have a look at what the shot was that she was trying to achieve. I really just appreciated those nuanced layers, creatively. She brings a color palette and stylized feel for how the shots are composed and how you’re introduced to our characters. That sets the tone for how the show progresses. So, she just had a really clear vision, and I really appreciate that.

Is that something you’ve always paid a lot of attention to, or is that something you find yourself paying more attention to, as you decided that you wanted to direct yourself?

DEBNAM-CAREY: I had always paid attention to it, which is something I’ve come to realize. I’m also someone who’s very specific about what I like and what I don’t like. I’m very focused on composition, color palette, lighting, and how things look within a frame. I think that was embraced when I was working on Fear the Walking Dead. I was given opportunities by many of our directors to really engage in that process more. And so, when it came time for me to throw my hat in the ring, I was actually able to then have a lot of that support already behind me. But it was something that I was always really focused on and interested in, and then it just became something I could actually embrace myself, and now I’m so focused on it. When I’m working on any show, I’m always asking the directors, “What are you doing here? Why are you choosing this?” It’s an extra layer of the creative process that I’m falling in love with.

Image via AMC

It feels like you might have directed an episode of this, if there had been more episodes or more seasons. Are you thinking about directing another episode of television, or do you want to direct a feature film? Is directing a movie the eventual goal?

DEBNAM-CAREY: My goal would be to direct my own project. That way, you can have the full spectrum of creative autonomy and you can really bring your specific vision to the screen, which is something that I would really love to do. But to get to a place like that, it’s also really important to learn the ropes and to understand what you’re doing, and get the full experience. So, I think it would be great for me to try to do another episode of something that I’m working on. Working on a short is probably the next thing that I’m gonna try to do. But yeah, the long term goal would be to try to work in the film space.

There’s such an interesting dynamic to watch between Emily and Clive because he represents everything that destroyed her life, but she also has a genuine connection with him. What was it like to find and explore a relationship like that?

DEBNAM-CAREY: It’s something that I haven’t seen, and that’s why it really appealed to me. Josh [Bonzie] and I had this conversation about how sometimes really extreme, life-altering events bond people in a way that you would never see, in any other space. Despite him representing everything that destroyed her life, in many ways for him, to the same effect, these two people have come together and have this very inexplicable connection to one another because it’s an event that no one else experienced. Only the people who were there and who were a part of it, can know what any of that felt like. It’s this thread that’s pulling them together. Especially for Emily, the Clive, or the Gogo she knew, was someone that was kind to her, and she had a really great relationship with him. We start to see, as they get to know each other a little bit more, that the essence of him is still there, despite this meta narrative of him being the villain and this terrible person and everything that she’s been told since.

Image via Hulu

You can really feel the loneliness between them, and it makes for such an interesting dynamic.

DEBNAM-CAREY: Totally. There’s this deep isolation within the two of them, but when they’re together, it almost feels like they can see each other’s loneliness and isolation, and they just don’t know that it’s through that exact same shared experience.

By the end of these episodes, your character has learned a lot of things about a lot of people, including her parents, including Alison, and including herself. Is there something you think she was most surprised by, with everything she learned and the understanding she has now?

DEBNAM-CAREY: Great question. Hard question. There are so many facets, with what went down between Edwin and Clive, what really happened to her sister and how it happened, and the concept of how the truth may not always deliver the kind of closure that you really want and that closure really does have to come from you. Sometimes the greatest realization for someone like Emily ultimately is a return to a sense of true self. That’s what was left behind when the event happened. There’s the idea that trauma freezes you at the point the event happened, so your development, as a person, freezes at that time. In so many ways, she was arrested as a person, unable to grow and become Emily or Claire, up until now. For her, this great truth that is emerging, maybe the most enlightening point is actually coming back to her and herself, and realizing that maybe she never really knew who that was and left it behind when she was 7 or 8 years old.

Saint X is available to stream at Hulu.