We all know the old saying that the only two things guaranteed in life are death and taxes. But if death is a certainty then so is grief. Every single person on earth will experience loss in their lives. Some will have to go through it way more than others, and a few of us may not have the same resources to combat it. When it comes to depicting the pain of losing someone and the sting of isolation on screen, it’s always been a mixed bag. It has to be resonant but intimate. It should speak to larger issues but still hone in on that character’s journey. There have been massive triumphs and clumsy misses in this area of film. Luckily, Andrew Haigh’s All of Us Strangers is undoubtedly a member of the former, offering one of the most shattering and beautiful accounts of loss, love, and loneliness.

What Is ‘All of Us Strangers’ About?
Image via Searchlight Pictures

Our protagonist is Adam (Andrew Scott at the height of his talents), a queer man in his 40s who leads an isolated life of writer’s block as he tries to capture the story of his parents who both died tragically when he was 12. He’s the only resident in his building, a high rise that offers stunning views of London but feels a million miles away from any other human. That is until Harry (Paul Mescal) drunkenly knocks on his door. Harry is clearly gasping for a connection to distract himself from whatever is happening inside his head but still plays it cool when Adam doesn’t let him in, swaying back into the elevator, a half-drank bottle of whiskey in hand. But Adam eventually does open up to Harry and a love story unfolds as both men let down their guard, and finally find that connection they have both craved for so long.

The love story between Adam and Harry is only half of the film. At the same time as meeting and falling for Harry, Adam starts to visit his childhood home, where he meets his parents (Jamie Bell and Claire Foy) for the first time in 30 years since their deaths. They’re the same age as when they died, a little younger than what Adam is today. While they’re aware that they died, it’s all acted as if it’s old friends catching up after years apart. They’re bursting to know what Adam is doing now, if he has a girlfriend, and want to know every single thing that has happened in the past 30-odd years. From there, we follow a dual plot that sees Adam reckon with his past as he opens himself up to the future.

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‘All of Us Strangers’ Tackles Grief and Loneliness
Image via Searchlight Pictures

All of Us Strangers doesn’t waste time in over-explaining itself. Not just because of Mescal’s presence, it isn’t too dissimilar to how Aftersun tackles grief. Both films understand the complexity of loss, but they also have their differences. Where Aftersun confronts our need to understand the loved ones we have lost, All of Us Strangers deals with how grief clouds our view of those lost. The film presents both the happy, loving, and joyous aspects of family as well as the neglect, heartbreak, and in this case, homophobia. A line spoken by Adam’s mother summarizes this perfectly: “I wish I relished you driving me bananas.” Adam catches up with his parents but they also try to face their regrets. One of the most devastating scenes is when Adam asks his father why he never consoled him when he would cry after getting bullied in school. Grief isn’t just about going on in life without these people, it’s also about facing the fact that you will never be able to talk to them again, stuck with all the decisions you made before they died.

This is a deeply human film, and that is mostly thanks to its impeccable script. Haigh knows when to allow the characters to respond with a shrug or a mutter of “Yeah, alright.” But there are lines that have so much depth that just a few words can be devastating. When Adam’s father asks if he was bullied in his new school for being gay, he replies with haunted eyes “I made sure I wasn’t.” Haigh doesn’t try to sensationalize or gloss over the fact that happy families have conflict too. Adam tells his mother about his dream of all three of them going to Disneyland, but it rained every day and they fought non-stop. Adam’s mother is nothing but warm and loving, doting on her son incessantly — but her reaction to his sexuality is exactly what you would expect from a woman who hasn’t lived past the 1980s. All of Us Strangers inherently understands that family and love are never one direct line — people can be horrible and comforting at the same time, especially parents. As much as we love to glorify mothers and fathers in cinema, All of Us Strangers reminds the audience that parents are as fallible as the rest of us — and there is often little we can do about it.

Andrew Scott Leads a Perfect Cast
Image via Searchlight Pictures

With such a small cast, four actors in total, getting it right was absolutely crucial. While Paul Mescal is certainly one of the actors of the moment, this is no one’s film but Scott’s. He starts out Adam as reserved, and guarded, but so obviously in pain. Adam is going on two different journeys at once, but Scott handles them both with their own specific type of care. He’s able to show the complex juxtaposition of grief and hope, allowing Adam, like any real human, to feel a million things at once. It’s a heartbreaking performance that drives home all of the film’s themes and could have so easily been cold in lesser hands. As well as grief, this movie is also about nurturing your inner child, and in these moments, Scott’s playing of Adam’s vulnerability and desperation to be loved and cared for feels so visceral, as if the audience and Adam are feeling the exact same thing at once.

Mescal, Foy, and Bell round out a pitch-perfect cast, never missing a beat. Foy plays Adam’s mother as a woman of her time but is still able to show that beam of love behind the homophobic assumptions and stereotypes. Bell is perfect as the emotionally stunted father trying to do better. And Mescal is that final stab in the heart that makes this film so much more than a tale of grief. Harry serves as the vital reminder that no matter how much pain one person is in, there are millions of others feeling the exact same way — and it’s completely up to us whether we decide to help others as we help ourselves.

All of Us Strangers is a quiet but fierce film, cutting right to the center of how grief becomes part of a human’s life. Everyone will find something to resonate with; whether it’s saying the wrong thing in tense moments, the inner child in us all who just wants to be stroked by a loved one as we fall asleep, or just the basic struggle with loss. From the directing to the script to the acting, All of Us Strangers is a film that will stay with you long after you watch it.

Rating: A-

The Big Picture

All of Us Strangers is a deeply human film that tackles the complexities of grief and loneliness with a quiet yet fierce intensity. The impeccable script and perfect cast, led by Andrew Scott, all work together to drive home the film’s themes. The manner in which it explores the experiences of saying the wrong thing, longing for love, and struggling with loss ensures it’s a film that will stay with you.

All of Us Strangers screened at the 2023 BFI London Film Festival.