On paper, there’s a lot to like about “Bad Things.” The premise is intriguing and creepy. The cast is full of quality actors. The filmmaker, Stewart Thorndike, has already earned acclaim for her previous feature, “Lyle.” And the film is filled with LGBTQ characters, which is refreshing for any film, let alone a horror feature. But even with these promising elements, “Bad Things” is not only bland, poorly written, and visually drab, but it breaks the cardinal rule of horror films—it’s just not scary. 
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In “Bad Things,” Ruthie (Gayle Rankin) finds herself as the new owner of a hotel that has seen better days. Currently closed, the hotel needs some work before it can be reopened, and Ruthie is still deciding whether or not to sell the property, which has a somewhat eerie, spooky history. But before she makes that decision, she invites three of her friends to join her for a relaxing weekend at the hotel all by themselves. If this gives you “The Shining” vibes, then you’re on the right track. Sadly, “Bad Things” doesn’t come remotely close to capturing any of the creepy vibes of Kubrick’s classic. Honestly, it’s not even as scary as the made-for-TV version from 1997.
From the opening scene, it’s clear that something is amiss with “Bad Things.” The hotel, which, as mentioned, has a checkered past including stories of women doing, uh, bad things, looks like your typical, run-of-the-mill Hampton Inn. Nothing about the hotel makes you want to explore more of it. The hallways are all the same. The furniture is boring. And the film is shot in a way that makes this haunted hotel look more like a sweet nursing home with its warm, Lifetime film-esque lighting. Hell, this hotel looks downright inviting. Not the best setting for a horror film. 
But hey, good characters and an interesting story can overcome even the most uninspired of locations. Unfortunately, the character work is really where the wheels fall off of “Bad Things.” The story posits that these four women are excited to spend time together in a hotel where they can relax by the pool and shoot the shit, as friends are wont to do. However, the script, written by Thorndike, is filled with interactions where these “friends” constantly pester, nag, squabble, and insult each other. There are two couples in the film. First, you have Ruthie (Rankin) and Cal (Hari Nef), who are having issues because Ruthie cheated on Cal with Fran (Annabelle Dexter-Jones). And wouldn’t you know it? Fran is also here with her new partner Maddie (Rad Pereira). Why would a couple trying to recover from a betrayal decide to go on a mini-vacation with the exact person they’re fighting about? It just doesn’t make any sense. Oh yeah, and Cal previously dated Maddie, adding yet more ridiculous relationship drama to the equation. It’s flabbergasting even to imagine that these four individuals would think it’s a good idea to share a room for 10 minutes, let alone an entire weekend away with each other. 
As you can imagine, when you watch conversation after conversation devolves into accusations and insults between the only four characters in this film (outside of quick appearances by Jared Abrahamson and Molly Ringwald, who both turn in performances that are fine but inconsequential), you start to lose any sort of sympathy for the people involved. Not only that, but when the “scary” stuff starts to happen (more on that in a bit), you couldn’t care less who lives or dies because, at this moment, your only frame of reference tells you that these people are terrible, immature, and petty. It gets to the point where the interactions between characters rise to such melodramatic heights; it’s almost as if you’re watching a telenovela or an episode of some trashy reality series. What’s truly sad is the fact that actresses like Rankin and Nef have proven themselves to be solid performers in previous efforts. So, you have to assume this largely comes from the writing and direction they’re given. 
In a film called “Bad Things,” you kinda are expecting some bad things to happen to our heroes, right? Well, don’t get your hopes up. Thorndike’s attempts at haunting visuals broadly include two joggers in winter clothing running in unison (showing up at various points in the film) and some characters eating breakfast. Sure, there is a bit of blood when a chainsaw is shown towards the end, but with everything being so well-lit and the composition of the shots being largely static, not even a chainsaw-wielding murderer can elicit more than a slight sigh. 
To call “Bad Things” a haunted house thriller is just a lie. Sure, that might be the category you find this film on Shudder when it arrives on the streaming service later this year. But “Bad Things” is really a melodramatic relationship drama featuring childish, obnoxious characters with not one thrilling or haunting moment. [D]
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